So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
