it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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