someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
