Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
