who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
