If i could tip my vagina, i would.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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