Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
