wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
