Your tits are I can't wait for
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
