there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
