Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
