We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
