i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
