YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
