it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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