hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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