Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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