rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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