i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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