The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
