Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
