Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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