i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
