Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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