On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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