I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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