I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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