don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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