if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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