kristin has been a bad kristin
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
