Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
