I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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