SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
