if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize