I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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