I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
