Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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