Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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