hotel room ftw
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
