very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
