$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
