ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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