i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
