Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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