when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
