I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
