he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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