garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
