Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize