Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
