2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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