I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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