And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
