just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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