Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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