Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
