you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to make out with him forever
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
