Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
