I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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