i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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