Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
