He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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