Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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