she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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