You're my little dorito
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
