At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
