I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
