I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
